Traveler's Feet

and we turned to each other
in fear,
and in love.
holding hands,
as we watched each other sink
floating away
into absolution.


and i thought today, "how strange."
that i should be a brick wall among houses of straw and sticks. that i should be a shoulder when all i have been told, when all that i have seen has been through the eyes of a child.
and how selfish a thought to have, but still -there it was. wide and awake with curiosity.
and i wallowed in it for a moment before realizing that these are just moments.
passing us by.

i sat here today. in this spot and i cried.
not out of sadness. not out of grief.
there are days that these tiny steps seem so small to everyone else, but they are great leaps of faith for me.
i have this organ in my chest, breathing, living, consuming, giving. all against a bone casing. and how sad it must be to live an existence without ever wanting anything more.
i have been tired for miles now. for years.
but in this state, in this body and this place -i don't have time for a good night's sleep.
i am awake even in my dreams.
writhing underneath my bedsheets with thoughts of paintings i want to do someday. with photos of love and devotion. i imagine my wedding dress and how my children's faces will look. i see the far off mountains and city streets of places i have not yet come to know. i meet these people who will love me, betray me, trust me and teach me.
and every day, i am more thankful for these moments.
quick and frail, sitting in the palm of my hands and right behind my translucent eyelids.

i want to abandon my post.
call this war off. with its loud bombs and so many angry faces.
there are no plans, nothing staid and no such animal known as forever that exists.
and i stand here, open hands -
dream on if you must.
i have years and miles to go before i sleep.
and when i do -i will have no dreams.
but i will have memories. and oh, how glorious they will be.

We Sit And Watch In Wonder, This Show We All Call Life

welcome to existance,
they said to me while i was naked.
only later, did i realize that it meant taking the time to live
more than just the will to survive.


i exist because it is believed to be so.
we come to be from the being of everyone else. enlightenment is only a single second of letting go. of holding on as tight as we can.
it's exploding the pockets in your lungs, screaming and laughing and crying.
i write these words because they are inside my head, but i have only come here to tell you that i want to be seen through a lens at all times.
i want to the portrait of someone's perfect existence.

i have this dream... and in it, we're all staring into the sun. none of us are blind. we do not fear. we do not follow or lead. but we exist, our minds intertwined like hands.
and in this beautiful place, in my dream -our hands are snapshots of the worst moments of our lives. they are polaroid pictures of today. tomorrow. then. now. never. the future.
and we hold them together. mushed against one another, we have all come to understand.

i am so sick of this
a
ban
done
mint.
and its god damn minty freshness.
fuck that, i'll brush my teeth with shit and smile wide.

i have this idea in my head of how it all looks.
and i see it everyday walking past strangers and friends.
i see it in my lover's eyes, blue and wide.
i see it when i sleep. i see it, and know that it is. it has become this living, breathing being. this tangible object made up of what we could have. what is right in front of us.

i want to have a picture for everything.
i want my walls to be painted in extravagant chaos. reds and blues and oranges and pinks all thrown onto white walls. i want to decorate my walls with the most brutal pictures of smiles and laughter and truth.
i want to paint signs letting people know that love is free.
that friendship doesn't have a price.
that everything we get, we should give.
i want to expose the world in film, and show it to be the most miraculous place we have ever imagined.
i want it to be so.
and it is.

my world is vast.
it has seas filled with monsters and mermaids.
it has color and metal.
it wears its smirk and grin well.
it wears old chucks and ripped up jeans.

it's the full moon, i know.
but today is a good day for an epiphany.
today is a splendid day to stretch my legs.